Raising Parents

New Blog

2008-04-30T15:01:00.001-04:00

In case you have stumbled upon this blog....

I quit blogging for a couple of years, but I have started back with a broader spectrum of topics/posts.

New blog is here: http://helpmyunbelief.wordpress.com

Parenting Resource

2005-11-26T19:14:00.000-05:00

In between seminary and Norfolk, we lived with my in-laws in Raleigh, NC. The local newspaper, The News & Observer, carried a syndicated column by John Rosemond. Rosemond writes on parenting topics of all sorts. I appreciate his column and his insight. Check out his website here. Rosemond has also many books to his credit as well.

Reflections from Vacation

2005-09-07T13:27:00.000-04:00

It's good to get away.

We have just returned home on Labor Day, having been out of town for a good week and a half. We traveled nearly 2000 miles on this trip, thankfully on the last leg during the recent hike in gas prices (which is really a small concern in comparison to the tragedy of Katrina and the aftermath). I pretty drained at the beginning of our vacation time which started on August 24th. It's not really vacation, which makes me think of a trip to Disney world or the beach, but time off and away. This came after not having a secretary for about a month and a half, followed by three weeks of vacation by the Sr. Pastor. So, I was glad for the time off and away.

Our first leg was from Norfolk to Knoxville, the longest single drive (9 hours), on Thursday. The kids did very well in the car, maybe the best of all of the drives. Driving can be a real challenge with the two little ones, particularly when they both get going. They don't know to ask "are we there yet?" at this point, but we certainly here from them when they want or need something. We had a very nice stay in Knoxville, enjoying the company of family (my dad's side). We attended a family reunion/brunch on Saturday morning. I also found a great used bookstore in Knoxville buying several books and 3 cd's. A great way to spend some birthday money. Here is what I bought:
--> Walking the Bible, Bruce Feiler, hb ($4)
--> Looking for God in Harry Potter, John Granger, hb ($3). I wouldn't have bought this one without the recommendation of my friend Willy. I started reading this last night.
--> Being Human, Ranald MacAuley& Jerram Barrs, pb ($3). Jerram was a professor of mine at Covenant Theological Seminary.
-->Churches that Make A Difference, Ronald Sider, et al,pb ($5).
-->Parenting the Strong-Willed Child, Forehand & Long ,pb ($.75). If your curious, we are pretty sure we have one of these.
-->2 more books that I can't t remeber the titles of...one by Peter Kreeft and one by Henri Nouwen. Both were small paperbacks and cost around $1.
-->Dive & Fly, Jennifer Daniels, cd ($.68). The cost is so low because the disc is suppose to be scratched, but I had no problems the first time through. Singer-songwriter.
-->Flower of Avalon, Tracy Grammer, cd ($3.95). I was excited to find this, as I had just recently listened to some of this disc at a Borders.
-->Knife Edge, Brooks Williams, cd ($4.95). Folky blues; bluesy folk. I have another CD by him.

Saturday afternoon we headed for Athens, GA. The car ride could have been worse, but it could have been better. It's hard to avoid traffic when you have to go through Atlanta to get somewhere. In Athens, we wanted to see old friends and attend church at the church I worked at while finishing college and a few years after. We were able to stay with Lydia's brother and spend a little time with him as well. It was fun to be back in "Athenstown". The last part of my birthday from Lydia was to replace my UGA shirt. Done. I'm ready for a new football year.

Monday afternoon we drove to Dahlonega, GA to stay with my father and stepmother. We spent the most of our time there, which was a blessing. I get tired of the unload/reload part of traveling when we go on these type trips to see family. We've always packed a lot of stuff, but it is ten times as much with the children (strollers, clothes, pack-n-plays, diapers & wipes, high chairs/seats, etc...). I did buy another book during the week at a book outlet near where my dad and stepmother. I found Dorothy Sayer's Letters to a Diminished Church ($5, pb). Began reading a little...she is such a strong and passionate writer...a very talented lady indeed. Helped my dad around the house during the week and mostly relaxed. My niece who is between our kids in age seemed a little scared by our children, especially when they wrestle with each other on the floor. It can be pretty funny to watch, but she wasn't sure what to think of their shenanigans. It was fun to see them all together.

On Friday went to a Braves game with my brother. We had a great time as we got to see the Braves win. A couple of things struck me while we were there:
1) The world's largest High-Definition screen at Turner Field (72' by 51'). It is incredible to see this thing and I found myself distracted by it to some degree because of its size and clarity.
2) I was saddened that we find it so easy to pay $4.50 for water (or coke in my case) at baseball games, when people were literally dying of thirst in New Orleans or other areas. Our consumerism knows no bounds and I am guilty as much as the next guy.

On Saturday, my love for college football was renewed with a full slate of games, including Georgia beating up Boise State.

We left for home on Sunday morning, stopping in Raleigh to break up our drive time a little bit (Dahlonega to Norfolk is around 10 hours). We also enjoyed seeing Lydia's family and had a good time there. I got to play frisbee golf on Labor Day with Lydia's sister's boyfriend. First time I had played in a long time and the first time with real frisbee golf disc ever. That was fun even if I was sore the next day. We drove home Monday afternoon the short three hour trip (feels longer with the children). I'm glad that we had Tuesday to take care of some much needed errands (groceries) and work (laundry, mowing lawn, etc) and I was glad to get back to work today.

It's good to be home.

The power of words (Sayings from La Casa)

2005-08-10T13:20:00.000-04:00

Heard recently:

Mother to daughter: "Stop...we do not pull the rug out from underneath the kitty"

Mother to daughter or Father to daughter: "Stop...we do not eat _______ (fill in the blank with any of the following: things from the trash can, our shoes, the kitty's tail, or diapers).

Son to stuffed bear: "Sit down, bear! Sit down, bear!"

Son (repeatedly throughout each day): "No, no, no, no, no."
"My turn, my turn, my turn"

You know you are a parent when...

2005-08-06T08:51:00.000-04:00

...you say "you'll poke someone's eye out." For the record, I didn't say it, but it did make me laugh.

High Expectations

2005-08-03T13:52:00.000-04:00

While listening to NPR yesterday afternoon, specifically All Things Considered, a story caught my attention as related to our youth. You can read a little and listen here. This story is about about the Mosaic Youth Theatre in Detroit, MI. When this group puts on a performance, it is entirely produced and put on by the youth. There are no adults hovering or controlling. The role of the adult leaders is to prepare the youth for such events. As a result, there are high expectations for the work that must be done. The kids come from all parts of Detroit, from suburbs and the inner city, but they all labor under the same demands and dreams. Many of these teens receive college scholarships in part for their participation and experience at Mosaic. This reminds me of being a part of the first Goldrush Summer Youth Conference at Perimeter Church in Atlanta as a graduated senior in 1994. Under the direction of the Youth Leadership team we put on the entire youth conference. There were a lot of behind the scenes stuff that we had little do with, but overall we were as involved as you can get. Like Mosaic and Goldrush we need to have high expectations for our youth and encourage them to take ownership of their dreams and passions. I am not talking about trying to live through our children or trying to force them into something, but looking for, inculcating, and encouraging their vocation and avocation. Too many youth are giving a free pass to waste their adolescence. Whether that be because they have too much freedom or too little. We do our youth no service when we treat them as monsters to satiated or hormones to be squashed. Creating and maintaining high expectations must always be tempered with freedom to fail and freedom to keep working towards those things that have value. There is too much that is wasted on and by youth, and we are largely to blame.

Parenting Reflections

2005-07-22T08:36:00.000-04:00

1) Parenting is one of the hardest things that you have to do in life. I said something to this effect to my new neighbors and their friends. One problem: they are in the Marines. None of them have children themselves, some have possibly seen war firsthand, and I didn't realize what I was saying until after the words were out of my mouth. Didn't get much of a response from them -maybe a few brief "are you crazy" looks. As I have thought about it after the fact, I feel it is still true. I didn't mean to compare what they do as soldiers to parenting in anyway - you can't really. The reality of parenting is that it is constant (24/7). There is no slack. There is no time in which you aren't thinking and/or aware of the situations and dangers. That is what makes it so hard. I am sure there are other things that would compare to this in some way...I just find myself challenged at this particular time.

2) It is easy to feel like you are not doing a good job as a parent. I see this with other parents and this is one of the main reasons that I created this blog. We all need encouragement in this area of life. We can compare ourselves to those we see as being "super-parents" or compare our childrens poor behavior or competance with "super-kids". Ultimately this is a fruitless endeavor. In keeping with Reflection #1, I think one of the ways that you succeed as a parent is showing up everyday for "work." Being the constant that children of all ages need. We all need encouragement...keep this in mind as you interact with parents (that doesn't mean you lie to someone who needs to be spurred on or who is truly neglecting their responsibility).

3) Parenting is fun. So many of the things that get us laughing are the fun and funny things said and done by our children. Ethan is done with his speech therapy and is talking all the time now. I continue to be amazed by the things that he has to say. Like her father, Kara craves onions. Anytime we are chopping onions, Kara makes her way to request/beg/scream for some onion. Amazing! These things, more than anything, are what keep us going. It is a joy to see our children grow. To see how they learn from us as we teach them to pray, to share, to love, to laugh and sing. Some of it comes naturally...some of it has to be nurtured.

Gilead

2005-07-05T20:28:00.000-04:00

I recently completed reading the 2004 Pulitzer Prize winner for Fiction. Gilead by Marilynne Robinson is a beautiful book whose main character is a elderly pastor and father of a young child. The book is comprised of entries into a journal meant to be read by the main characters son. The book starts a little slow as it doesn't rely on normal plot devices and story telling. It is more a story of this man's heart. There were several points during my reading when I would stop to read a section to Lydia because I had been gripped by what had been written. I think I connected with the main character both because of his vocation and his clear love for his son, although that connection is not necessary for the enjoyment of this book. See more in depth reviews by following the link above (to Amazon).

Brief Update & Movies

2005-07-05T20:08:00.000-04:00

I am way overdue for a post...it's hard to believe that over a month has gone by without a post. In June, I apparently got sucked into the vortex of summer/church life. Not a bad thing, but I have been a little weary after the last three weeks. Now on to some thoughts...

Discerning what movies you should let your children watch can be a difficult decision. The best case scenario is for the parent(s) to see the movie first and then determine if a child should see the movie. This is not always possible...may not even be close to possible (especially with movies just released in the theaters). So, what do you do?
Here are a few ideas:

1) Follow the rating guidelines generally. Allow younger children to see G; pre-teens to see PG; and teens to see PG-13. R-rated movies should be handled individually on their merit. That said, do not use the rating system as a way of avoiding the need to assess the content of a film or the maturity level of a child. Secondly, the ratings themselves are general and therefore may not tell you all that you need to know.
2) Research: read reviews and seek out info about the films your children are interested in. Every Friday, I get an email from Screenit that gives me a brief review, synopsis, and content break-down of the movies that are being released in the theaters or on video that week. More detailed information is available on their website, including the exact number of times cuss words are used (I have always imagined a guy with a clipboard in the theater keeping count...makes me laugh). Ransom Fellowship (publishers of Critique) also provides reviews of movies, but may have less info on content and more on meaning.
3) You can always use movies and the desires of your children to see certain movies as discernment exercises. Talk with your children both before and after a movie about what they want to see or what they have seen. In doing so, we have an opportunity to show how Christ and Christianity relates to all of life (beyond our mere categorization of culture).
4) Don't be afraid to make a mistake...especially with teenagers. Letting them decide may help become better decision makers in the future. But, you have to be willing to follow-up without condemnation.

I will conclude by saying that I have learned to not make recommendations of movies. The things that strike me or bother me, may be different than what hits you (good or bad). I also don't always have the same perspective. So, I don't mind speaking about movies, including those I like or dislike, but don't take it as recommendation.

Ethan & Uncle Nate

2005-06-02T21:30:00.000-04:00

Ethan & Uncle Nate
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

Here is a great picture of Ethan sitting with his Uncle Nate (Lydia's brother).

Kara

2005-06-02T21:28:00.000-04:00

Kara
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

Kara often sticks out her tounge. She also smiles a lot...this is good for us.

Picture of Ethan & Kara

2005-06-02T21:22:00.000-04:00

K&E
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

It has been great to see the growing love between Kara and Ethan as they grow older. They also have their disagreements (mostly over toys and food).

Television & Children

2005-06-02T20:17:00.000-04:00

We all know that too much television rots the brain. We also know that it can be a valuable tool for teaching and entertaining our children and giving weary parents a break. That said, you may still be concerned with how much your children watch TV. I came across an interesting idea reading Carl Lennertz book Cursed by a Happy Childhood: Tales of Growing Up, Then and Now to help control the amount of TV a child watches. At the beginning of the week, Lennertz and his wife gave their daughter a jar of quarters - a dollars worth for every year old. For every half hour of TV the daughter wanted to watch, she had to pay a quarter. If there was any money left over the daughter was allowed to keep it. Lennertz notes that in time his daughter watched TV less, read more, and learned something about money at the same time. He does not note at what age this began, but this idea could be applied and shaped to age, situation (ie. video games instead of television), or parental desire (ie. less TV time than the quarters might allow). At any rate, this is the type of idea that can benefit parent and child while providing a means of control for the parents and involvement for the child.

Blameshifting

2005-05-24T22:14:00.000-04:00

Another result of the fall of man (see Genesis 3) is that we become blameshifters. That is, when confronted with our fault, our sin, or some deficiency. I wrote a few weeks ago of having seen shame and embarassment in Ethan for the first time. He has also shown the blameshifting and this at least is humorous (it won't always be!). When is questioned as to whether he has a "stinky" diaper, he is always quick to respond. The problem is that he blames Kara! He quickly calls our "Baby!", which is what he calls Kara. It may actually be true from time to time, but it is not true all the time. The other day I asked him if he had a stinky diaper and he gave the expected response (blaming Kara). However, Kara was not in the room, nor had she been in the room. I do not believe that we have taught Ethan to blameshift...again, I believe it points to the Fall.

May-June Raising Parents Article

2005-05-11T13:41:00.000-04:00

As promised, here is the article from the Calvary Messenger. This is a bit lengthy...my apologies:

There is nothing easy about being a parent. Let me say that again, there is nothing easy about being a parent. I can see the nodding heads and hear the cries of “amen!” Although I have only been a parent for a few years at this point, I feel like the school of parenting is a quick and hard teacher at times and we are not graded on the curve. That is not to say that we have to be perfect, rather that we learn quickly how important and hard a job it is to be a parent.
What is it that makes the job of parenting so difficult? Among some other things, you might consider a few thoughts below.
-->Children don’t come with an owners manual. They are people – not a piece of electronics, but it would be nice if they came with some kind of information. Ethan’s first pediatrician cleverly provided us with an “Owner’s Manual” that he gave to new parents. That only took us so far.
-->Changes in culture that have changed the dynamics of community. We are less likely to live in the same location for long periods of time or to live near family. It is necessary that we find support systems in other places. The Church is an especially important position to provide this kind of support, but it is not always done well or extended beyond those who are already members.
-->Our fears. We know what a big job that is before us. We also may intimately be aware of failure, whether it be in our own family or in those who are close to us. Fear of failure or fear of harming or damaging our children can impede our ability to make good and right decisions.
-->Our own sinfulness. This is a big one – whether we realize it or not. Children, just like marriage, act as a window to your sinful attitudes and actions (ie. selfishness, lack of patience, unchecked anger). Our sin affects the way parent and makes parenting that much harder.
-->Our desires for our children. More times than not, our desires are good and right. We want our children to become well-adjusted, well-rounded, God- fearing, respectful, happy, talented, bright (on and on) members of society and church. However, these desires can lead us to the wrong things for the right reasons. We can squash the burgeoning independence of our children

I want to spotlight this last complication of parenting. I felt like this issue came up in two movies that Lydia and I rented in the past couple of months (The Village and Garden State…Please note that my use of these movies here does not constitute a recommendation. Please use your own judgment when considering what you should or shouldn’t watch and what your children should watch). If you plan on seeing The Village, then I suggest that you stop reading here, as I will give away something of the surprise/main story of that movie.
Although these movies were very different in genre and mood, I found it interesting the way that parents were portrayed in each movie and the commentary (explicit or implicit) on parenting. The Village is a subdued thriller/drama that takes place in a quaint village that is bordered by woods where mysterious and dangerous creatures roam. Garden State is a quirky romantic comedy whose main character returns home for the first time in nine years for his mother’s funeral. The primary characters are in their early to mid-twenties in Garden State. In both movies, the relationship between children and parents is both on the periphery of the main story and yet places an essential part in the story and the development of the story (This theme is more prominent in The Village).

In both movies, the parents have good desires for their children. They desire to protect them from the evils of this world and they desire for them to be happy. Unfortunately, this leads these parents to go to unhealthy lengths to try to achieve this desire. And in the end, they are unable to meet these desires. In The Village (here comes the giveaway), it is the parents and leaders of the village that are actually the dangerous creatures in the woods. They dress up in hideous outfits to perpetuate the myth and to keep the children safely confined to this village surrounded by woods. Their desire is to protect their children from the tragedies and affliction they have faced themselves in the “real” world. However, the movie shows how death and pain still reach into their world, despite their best efforts. In Garden State, after an accident in the home involving the main character and his mother, the main character is sent away to boarding school and properly medicated by his psychiatrist father. The father’s stated desire is that his son would be happy, however, he only feels numb. In both cases, the desires are good, but the efforts and results are bad.

This issue of desires is part of the overall struggle that parents have with dominion/dependence. When children are young, like Ethan and Kara, they are almost completely dependent on us. In other words, our dominion over them is complete and total. However, as children grow and become more independent, the dominion that you have over your children is lessened – or it should be. Again, our desires can lead us to an end that is not helpful or healthy. We can do the same thing that the parents in The Village did by holding our children close, constantly tying to keep them from the dangers of the world, and scaring them from time to time. Again, it is not wrong to protect our children (in fact, it is imperative). But the way we do that must change as our children are growing into their own persons. If there is never an opportunity to grow, then we risk losing our children off the deep end when they leave for college or leave the home. We can also be like the psychiatrist father in Garden State doing whatever we think is necessary for our kids to be happy. But the reality is that it is our happiness that we are after, not that of our children. It is a challenge for us to know when and where to apply our dominion or to allow for independence. As our children get older, it gets harder. And yet this is an essential part of what it means to be parents – to wrestle with our children’s growing independence as we maintain the appropriate level of dominion. It is easy to fall off on either side – too much dominion or too much independence. Most of the time in the church, we err on the side of too much dominion.

I do not have a proposed easy solution to this potential problem, other than to say that it is something for us to be aware of. This is especially true as our children grow from kids to teens to adults. We might ask ourselves what are our desires for our children? Are these desires good? How are we attempting to achieve these desires? How do our children respond? Are we exercising dominion when we should be helping our children grow in independence? How did your parents do with you? These are a few that come to my mind. I am also aware that I have probably raised more questions than answers. That’s not a bad thing.

What are your thoughts on what I have raised in this article?

Happy Mother's Day

2005-05-08T20:35:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day to the mother of my children, my mother, stepmother, and mother-in-law. Thank you for all you do! Also wishing my two grandmothers were still with us.

Gift Idea: I recently heard on the radio about a washing machine, using fingerprint technology, that will not allow the same person do two consecutive loads. Either the laundry not getting done or someone else is going to have to lend a hand (literally). Not sure of the price of such a washing machine.

Seeing Shame

2005-05-04T14:16:00.000-04:00

Ethan, 28 months, has been showing emotions that were unexpected, at least by me. A few weeks ago Ethan seemed embarassed by having used the "big boy" potty (were not quite there yet on the potty training) and then a few days later with our pediatrician because of a rash on his face. He has also been showing shame recently when he was chastised for bad behavior. For both emotions, Ethan's reaction has been to lean over and bury his head in the floor or to hide behind something. Mainly he is hiding his eyes. In some ways I have been surprised by this. It is certainly something that has not been taught to him by us, rather it reminds me of the shame that was displayed in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3) after Adam & Eve had sinned for the first time. Their response was to hide from God. I am also reminded of how God dealt with them...graciously, especially in the questions that he asked to draw them out.

Ordination

2005-05-04T14:13:00.000-04:00

I feel like there is something else that I should be doing...another test, another internship requirement, more classes, etc... I have been working towards ordination for many years now, including past church work, seminary, and a year at Calvary. With thanks to God, that is all behind me. That doesn't mean I have arrived, so to speak, I know that God will still be working on me...I need it.

MODGNIK!

2005-04-14T15:18:00.000-04:00

The MODGNIK youth retreat is fast approaching...we leave for Young Life's Rockbridge camp near Goshen, VA around 3pm Friday (tomorrow) afternoon. It looks like the weather will be beautiful, if not a little cool - especially in the evenings.

If anyone is wondering what to bring, here is a quick list:

Suitable clothes given the weather
Toiletries
Bathing Suit & Towel
Pillow (Linens are provided by the camp; although we will have a couple of sleeping bags on hand if needed)
Bible, Notebook, & Pen
Money (primarily for Pierce's BBQ on the way back home; there is also a snack bar I'm told. I'm also told that the food is excellent at this camp)
Sack Dinner or something to eat on the trip up (this will save both time and money).
An open heart to hear God's heart for us
Registration, YL Release Form, and $ (if not previously turned in)

We will be making the 4+ hour trip to MODGNIK in a rented 15 passenger van. Please pray for safe travel to and from the retreat. Call with any other questions.

Happy Birthday Kara!

2005-04-07T21:07:00.000-04:00

Kara turned one year old today...hard to believe how fast this past year has gone. Time flies...

Traditional Youth Ministry vs. Family Ministry

2005-04-06T13:40:00.000-04:00

I suppose that one of the things that I am trying to do is blend the good things contained in traditional youth ministry with some elements of family ministry (hence this blog). Here are some thoughts about how traditional youth ministry hurts families from Chap Clark and Pamela Erwin in the book New Directions for Youth Ministry . My comments follow these points.

1. Not considering family times and needs when scheduling youth events
-->I try not to compete with families, especially at holidays, but it is also hard to coordinate everyone's schedule. I think it more an attitude than anything - the youth ministry is not the be all and end all for the youth.
2. Assuming the role of parents
-->It seems to me that this can go both ways...sometimes parents want the youth pastor to assume the role of parents, or at least a baby sitter.
3. Making parents look bad
-->This can be a tendency if you are trying to hard to befriend youth and are looking for their approval. It is important to find the balance between becoming allies with parents and friends with the youth.
4. Not keeping parents informed
-->Because many pastors are more people oriented than detail oriented, this is a pitfall that many fall into. I am not the best at advance planning, but I am learning the necessity of it and the importance of it...for parents and youth, as well as myself.
5. Not encouraging or offering support for families
-->When I was younger and doing youth ministry, I do not think that I had the experience or wisdom to pull this off. I am finding this to be a particular important part of my ministry within the church. It is an extension of my work with the youth. I also understand more readily, having children of my own, the need for such encourgement and support.
6. Undermining parents judgement or authority
-->This is similar to number three above
7. Not including families in youth events
-->I think we could do more of this kind of thing at Calvary. It is important that we not always look for ways to segment the family or the church anymore than it already is.
8. Failing to connect teenagers with the extended church family
-->Also another area that bears more considerationa and planning.

Pictures of Kara

2005-03-26T15:30:00.000-05:00

Kara
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

Kara-pigtails
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

Here are a couple of pictures of Kara; including one with her pigtails.

Like Father - Like Son

2005-03-26T15:23:00.000-05:00

Ethan&Dad
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

"HomeJames"
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

I'm told that Ethan looks like me and I suppose it's true. He also acts like me from time to time. Not sure if either one of those are good things :-)

Like Dew Your Youth - Chapter 2

2005-03-23T13:14:00.000-05:00

Chapter 2 - “I’ll Dress the Way I Want!”
“Adolescence is the time when we become ourselves…Adolescents are involved, nearly full-time, in discovering who they are” (11). Peterson rightly notes that this causes anxiety in parents. This process inserts itself into areas where before we are able to severely curtail the exercise of free will in our children. Decisions we once made for are children quickly become the decisions they make and want to make. Peterson goes on to say that identity is the product of decision. We can all agree when he says for teens that this is not a smooth process. But consider this: “Youths often practice defining themselves by demonstrating what they are not: they are not, for instance, what their parents say they are. They provide evidence in hair and clothing styles that differ from what parents choose…But if parents let this kind of conflict dominate the relationship, youths will conclude that the parents are not concerned with the deeper developments stirring beneath the surface, but only with what others are going to say or think” (13). We would call that producing Pharisees. I don’t think that parents of children of any age are immune from being too concerned about these outward matters. In a store, I overreacted to Ethan’s bad behavior (and he was disobeying) because I was more concerned about what a fellow shopper thought of me as a parent, then I cared about my son’s obedience at that moment. I’ll come back to this chapter and Peterson’s discussion of 1 Samuel 3 as it relates to adolescence.

Speech Therapy for Ethan

2005-03-23T13:07:00.000-05:00

On Monday Ethan's speech therapist came for the first time. At 27 months, Ethan is developmentally delayed in his speech. That said, he is where he should be for all of the other development areas. Based on what the speech therapist said, it seems mostly to be a muscle problem in his mouth. Basically, he needs more exercise. So, there are some things that we can do and are doing to help in that way. The speech therapist will also come once a week. Since his evaluation a couple of weeks ago, we have already seen some improvement in his speech. Especially in his willingness to use certain words. He is using mommy, daddy, please, baby, kitty, and no (especially) more regularly, although they are not as clear as they should be. There is not and never has been a concern about his intelligience or understanding. So, we're just along for the ride and realize that at some point we might jokingly long for the days when he didn't talk as much.

Youth Retreat - Modgnik

2005-03-19T21:27:00.000-05:00

Modgnik is a Virginia-wide PCA churches youth retreat held at a Young Life camp called Rockbridge near Goshen, VA. I believe this is the third or fourth year that Calvary has participated in this retreat. I was unable to go last year due to Kara's birth a week or so earlier, but everyone who went had a great time and is excited to go this year. Some details are listed below:

Who: Modgnik is open to any Jr. and Sr. High School students
Date: Friday, April 15th - Sunday, April 17th
We will leave from the church Friday afternoon and return Sunday afternoon (times to be determined.
Cost: $90 - this covers food and lodging for the weekend. Everyone also gets a T-shirt. Scholarships through the youth budget are available if necessary. We will also eat at least one meal on the road.
Registration: I need to know who is going as soon as possible. The reason for this is due to a limited number of slots available to us this year. We have room for 13 youth and two leaders. Registration forms (let me know if your child needs one) and monies (payable to Calvary) will be due later.
What To Bring: Clothes, toiletries, bathing suit, towel, bible, notebook, and pen. Money for on-site snack bar, although I hear the food is excellent. Linens or sleeping bag also might be needed.

Please contact me at the church office with any questions regarding this retreat.

Another quotation from Peterson

2005-03-16T20:17:00.001-05:00

“A parents main job is not to be a parent, but to be a person. The parent’s main task is to be vulnerable in a living demonstration that adulthood is full, alive, and Christian.”

Like Dew Your Youth - Chapter 1

2005-03-16T20:10:00.000-05:00

Chapter 1 - The Gift of Adolescence (Like Dew Your Youth, by Eugene Peterson)
Many people fear adolescents, whether they be their own or someone else’s. When I tell people that I work with teens, some people let on to their own fears, while others appreciate that work, if only from a distance. Indeed there are many challenges that teens and pre-teens face these days and parents are dragged through that same mud whether they want to or not. That said, the first thing that Eugene Peterson asserts in Like Dew Your Youth is that adolescence is a gift from God to those in middle age. He says that, “in these middle decades of life we are prone to stagnation and depression, the wonders of life reduce to banalities and the juices of life dry up. Failures and disappointments accumulate” (3). Adolescence is a means of grace for such as these, indeed for us all. Adolescence reminds us that they even though we may be done growing biologically and professionally we have been certified, there is still growth that is required in our lives. “Growth is the delight of the child and the agony of youth, but it is not natural to the middle-aged” (7). The growth of our teens challenges us to grow, although we can refuse that challenge even while we still help our children to grow – Peterson calls this “detached” parenting. Peterson does not try to define exactly how it should look or will look from home to home. Suffice it to say that there are no rules or patterns to achieving success. Each parent, child, and family is different. He says that, “particular rules, techniques of discipline, variations in strictness and permissiveness – they run the gamut. One thing stands out: these parents, seriously, honestly, joyfully follow the way of Christ themselves. They don’t define adolesence as a problem and try to solve it. They are engaged in vigorous Christian growth on their own and permit their children to look over their shoulders while they do it” (9). So, there are various ways that we may view teens and the intrusion of their growing presents in our families, but how do we view them? How do we view those challenges? Peterson would have us to see adolecence as a gift and an opportunity to grow. What are your thoughts?

Ethan-double exposure

2005-03-09T20:45:00.000-05:00

Ethan-dblexposure
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

One more picture of Ethan (2 really). This is one of those instances where something went awry with the camera, but we ended up with a fun picture of Ethan as a result.

EthanCrying

2005-03-09T20:43:00.000-05:00

EthanCrying
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

This is one of my mother-in-laws favorite photos of Ethan. Nobody can remember why he is crying, but let's just say that Lydia captured him at a bad time, so to speak. That said, it isn't unusual to see this face a couple times a week when Ethan throws a temper-tantrum.

Like Dew Your Youth

2005-03-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

Like Dew Your Youth (subtitle: Growing Up with Your Teenager) is a book by Eugene Peterson that I am going to be reading and posting some thoughts based on the 12 chapters in the book. My goal is to do at read and post on at least one chapter a week. This will help with some of the content on this blog and hopefully give us all something to think about. Teenagers present unique challenges to parents, but there are wonderful opportunities for parents and teens to deepen their relationships, rather than deepening rifts. That said, I hope that there will be some helpful thoughts for parents of children of any age, not just teenagers.
For the record, Eugene Peterson is one of my favorite authors, particularly his books on pastoral theology. He may be most well known for his contemporary translation of the Bible called The Message. First post on Like Dew Your Youth is coming soon.

Ethan, blinds, and the cat

2005-03-09T13:28:00.000-05:00

One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to not laugh when your child is doing or has done something that they shouldn't do. Case in point - On Monday we had an unseasonably warm day in Norfolk (around 70), so we opened a couple of the windows in the house. As a result of pulling up the vinyl blinds, the cord was hanging down to the floor. However, these cords can be hazard for young children as they can get wrapped up in the cord, so we don't let the kids play with them. As we were all in the dining room, Ethan grabbed the cord for the blinds and began to pull on it...not wanting him to do that, we told him to let go. He obeyed and let go of the chord...the problem was that this released the blinds sending them crashing down. This would not have been a problem had our cat not been sitting on the window sill enjoying the open window. Whimsey got bonked on the head with blinds and Lydia and I were left trying to contain our laughter at the cat's misfortune and Ethan's having messed with the blinds at all. We were only mildly successful.

Crib Climbing

2005-03-08T21:35:00.000-05:00

Ethan (26months) decided that Lydia was not fast enough in retrieving his pacifier, which he only gets at bedtime anymore. Never mind the fact that he threw it out of the crib in the first place. So, taking matters into his own hands, he decided to get it himself. However, his attempt at climbing out of his crib was wholly unsuccessful...he landed on his head. He is fine...I just wonder if he will try again after this attempt. Time and bumps in the night will tell.

Extended Warranties & Children

2005-03-06T16:24:00.000-05:00

After trying in vain to repair our digital camera, I am rethinking declining the extended warranties stores try to sell you when buying such equipment. We have always declined in the past, seeing them as largely a profit for the stores and little benefit to ourselves. That said, Ethan got a hold of the camera and dropped it on the tile floor. This is the second time he has dropped the camera...maybe we should be more careful ;-). And that leaves us wishing we had a warranty or something. Do those warranties cover acts of toddlers? Anyway, the camera is stuck permanently on view mode. We might have repaired or for a little more $ we might buy a new one. We'll see.

It Starts Early...

2005-03-02T19:17:00.000-05:00

Today's funny moment came courtesy of Ethan. I was marveling at him trying to ride and steer his little tricycle (that only has one handlebar; the other one broke off) while also holding a toy cell phone up to his ear. It seemed a little dangerous, but then again I might be a little dangerous talking on my cell phone and driving too. Do you think they make a hands free attachment for his cell phone?

The fun moments...

2005-02-26T12:59:00.000-05:00

There are those spontaneous moments with your children that make you laugh. They are the moments you live for in between sleepless nights and throw-up. A few nights ago, I told Kara she looked like a duck. She was holding something in her mouth that caused her lips to jut out. As if on cue, Ethan starting quacking like a duck. At 26 months his speech is really poor, but his duck impression is not bad. It was a good moment...

Kara - hair

2005-02-24T20:51:00.000-05:00

Kara - hair
Originally uploaded by norfolkdawg.

Kara has great hair...this is from earlier in her life, before it got longer.

Getting Started

2005-02-24T20:29:00.000-05:00

I'm just getting started with this blog. I confess that I don't know exactly what I am doing, but that is part of the fun. I see this blog as opportunity to further my ability to consider and communicate what it means to be a parent. We often talk about raising children, but rarely talk about what it means to raise parents - to learn and grow as mothers and fathers, even as our children grow. Our growth is not a given. So, we need input, discussion, encouragement, challenge, and prayer (actually a lot of prayer!). Thankfully, we have an opportunity to explore these things in community and with the input of God's Word.

So...stay tuned to these pages. I will be writing from my own experiences, reviewing other materials, questioning assumptions and practice, and hopefully helping others grow. I welcome your thoughts and input. So...welcome to Raising Parents.